Art by Norman E. Masters

"I pray the Lord consider me worthy of receiving a Crown of Glory." --Paul (in whatever Epistle, & probably distorted, somewhat, thru faulty memory...)

"I thought these Crowns of Glory were supposed to be halos of Light..."

"Obviously it didn't turn out that way. Maybe it has something to do with the recent shake-up in the Heirarchy."

"I think it's only the Highest in the Heirarchy who get to wear the halos of Light, anymore. It's always so blinding when They pass by, you never even know who They are."

"You are a newcomer, so let me fill you in. Everybody was trying to outdo each other with their Radiance so much that everybody was just walking around blinding everyone else all the time -- which meant everybody was bumping IN to each other. I think it was a wise decision on the Heavenly Heirarchy's part..."

"Well, I guess we're just stuck with these heavy crowns of gold, then."

"Not everybody's got a golden crown. Some only rated silver, and others copper, when the Edict came."

"Gee, I guess we ought to be thankful! I just wish they'd stop slipping off our heads!"

"So what if we just stopped wearing the things?"

"Horrors! You wouldn't want to be seen in Heaven without your Crown of Glory! That would be indecent exposure!"

"Look! His Crown of Glory is brighter than *your* Crown of Glory! It is really dazzling!"

"It's brighter than your Crown of Glory, too. But how come he rated jewels in his Crown of Glory and we didn't?"

"Look at that one! See! He's one who got only a copper Crown of Glory, and already it's tarnishing!"

"What thoughts he must be thinking to be tarnishing his Crown of Glory! Tsk*tsk! He should spend less time singing with the angels and more time polishing his Crown of Glory. Does he take no *pride* in his Glory?!"

*mutter mutter mutter mutter* ~Why did I only get a copper Crown of Glory instead of a golden Crown of Glory like *them*? What are they saying about me, I wonder... I *know* they're talking about me because I can see how they're looking at me... I never *imagined* there was so little to DO in Heaven. No sex allowed. Everyone is male. (Women were more interesting... But THEY're not complaining, because, since they became male, no more PMS!) I wonder if things are more interesting Down Below? Do I REALLY want to be spending half of forever polishing my Crown of Glory?~

"Look at HIM! See how rakishly *he* is wearing his Crown of Glory! That is *shameful*!"

"Maybe it will set a new style! I wonder if I could tilt my Crown of Glory at an even greater angle and have it still stay on my head?"

"I'd be careful about that. A Crown of Glory HURTS when it bounces off your toe!"

"LOOK OUT BELOW! MY CROWN OF GLORY JUST SLIPPED OFF MY HEAD! YOU DO NOT WANT IT TO *BOP!* YOU OR KNOCK OFF *YOUR* CROWN OF GLORY!"

"Oh Lordy! His Crown of Glory bounced off that Ivory Palace, glanced off the Pearly Gates and struck the Streets of Gold! It is all dented and torqued WAY out of shape! The Master will NOT be pleased!"

"I heard the Heavenly Heirarchy is considering issuing licenses to fly, now; and if you fly so recklessly that your Crown of Glory slips off, your flying license will be revoked."

"So what if we fly ANYway, without the license?"

"They will probably clip your wings..."

"It would seem that an Almighty God could come up with a way to prevent these Crowns of Glory from slipping off our heads!"

"Shhhh! He's always listening-in, you know. And His Eyes are everywhere."

"I still haven't gotten used to all those floating Eyes. It's creepy!"

"Shhhsh! Don't even THINK that! You want to get your Crown of Glory taken away and get kicked in your fundament all the way to that Other Place?!"

"And just WHO does he think HE is?! Look where he is wearing HIS Crown of Glory!"

"Shocking!"

"That is downright indecent!"

"Well, I would say more UPright than DOWNright! If it were DOWNright it would surely slip right off!"

"Do you think we should report it to the Lord?"

"What I don't understand is -- how does he keep it UP all the time so that his Crown of Glory doesn't slip off?"

"Well, he's not called St. Peter for nothing!"

Jan. 1999