Kathleen In Pink Dreams

Art by Norman E. Masters

Dearest Stranger ~~

Dearest Stranger ~~

Sunday July 10, 1985

AnDSO on; always
          I wait too,long,yawn.
         What do I think -Of Pete?
                             Pete, I always see a child,
                                              trying to please.
                             Be Good Kathleen! /Pete's mirror?
         With a ferocity,I exercise.
                for fear
         because     tomorrowwouldnevercome.
                 with depth....
      ...The glorious high
                  not a rise.
         SAY IT TO YOURSELF/MYSELF/OURSELF:::: :I allow you to paint chaos.
             I allow you to paint my chaos.
             Chaos (ritual-freedom) Pete / Kathleen
                                    They each want to take credit
                                     for the creativity; but I sign my
                                     ...Kathleen - but, But I had
                                                thought I had suspended
                                                that hope/aspect
                                                      of my being.
                                     - to stop being a man!
                                       to stop being a man;
                                     but that is what I am!
      Why did you come into my conscious life Kathleen?
               on porpoise?
                             I have to stop myself as a man?
                             knock on.
Ah just gotta     swim into the chaos and reach The Great Goddess.
              Selective Perfection
              'tis sinful to
                   like myself.
              Why can't I risk the feminine? The masculine?
                      transform me, suffuse the male,
              The feminine within plays with the male,
               gearing it down, puzzling it out,
              selective perfection.
              Shame, shame, you've got a girl's name.
Penetration through the ear -the Western Way.
Penetration through the navel -the Eastern Way.
 pure virginal male; himself a union.
 Cobalt / radio
Sun Screen
 o     eam
          As if one is
          three of life.
                        While on the edge, if I step on a wedge: gone?
                                             HI Heels.
selective perfection.
          Great Goddess Of All Creation,
                                       Penetrate me with your femininity,
                                       so that I may give birth to
                                       the child/children of
                                       our creativity.
TODAY,right now January 31, 1986

        And now you know.<...>
        In March,1982 I legally changed my name to Kathleen Lynn Noel-Ligeski;
        I like women so much, that I wanted a female name. I am not gay. I have
        never been on a date.I thought that I could become a girl...I became
        too afraid to try any more.(That was four years ago). During the last
        year,I have been going to counseling and I have decided to again legally
        change my first name to Peter but keep Kathleen as a middle name.For
        four years I was Kathleen but looked like Pete! Hopefully, I will be
        able to balance the masculine and feminine elements of my personality?
        I have
        always been alone.

......from back when : 10-18-81
           I don't know how to flirt!
   What's loneliness ?
               I don't know.
   Come back!
   Come Back!
           Where are they going?
   All the leaves are running away from me....
           ...left me alone....
   I'll remember them;
           Nope, Iwon't
           I never learn my lesson.
   Hi Ya !  My name is Peter
            (umm...also Kathleen....)
   Wanna be friends ?
                  No ?
     How lucky I am to be friendless....
     no one to bring to my apartment;
     no one to go to movies with;
     no one to go shopping with;
     no one to be watching the leaves play;
     no one to touch;
     no one to kiss;
     no one to shake hands with.
     No one to be with.
   Oh! It's begin ing to rain....
     no one to name raindrops with....
~~Peter Kathleen Ligeski

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