Starting Over

After thousands of yesses and noes,
How many what ifs and but ifs . . . 
The past neither gone nor even sleeping
But watching;
The future shrouded in hope, in mist;
The present wavers, and stands.

But for chance, but for necessity . . . 
(Forget not sacrifice, nor beauty,
Remember honor and integrity.
And what of compassion?)
Walking backward, listening for the sirens,
The voice of wisdom . . . 
The touch now here, now gone
The walls of shadow made,
Doors of shadows, and dreams:
Baggage of fools and exiles.
Searching the path for footprints,
Attempting to decipher signs
In languages unknown to me,
Worrying the heavens, testing friendships,
Tasting absences, O the absences!
First steps the hardest, now taken,
The past watches.  Lot's wife glistens
On the near horizon, paralysis of will,
Flash of guilt in the harsh light of judgment
Awaiting the redemption.

The beauty of the song awakens in me
The life of dreams forgotten,
The finite journey, traveler's joy.


Utah 1983
M. Reynolds