Art by Norman E. Masters
Dearest Stranger ~~ Sunday July 10, 1985 AnDSO on; always I wait too,long,yawn. What do I think -Of Pete? Pete, I always see a child, trusting, trying to please. Be Good Kathleen! /Pete's mirror? With a ferocity,I exercise. for fear because tomorrowwouldnevercome. with depth.... ...The glorious high not a rise. SAY IT TO YOURSELF/MYSELF/OURSELF:::: :I allow you to paint chaos. I allow you to paint my chaos. Chaos (ritual-freedom) Pete / Kathleen They each want to take credit for the creativity; but I sign my name.... ...Kathleen - but, But I had thought I had suspended that hope/aspect of my being. - to stop being a man! to stop being a man; but that is what I am! Why did you come into my conscious life Kathleen? purpose:direction? on porpoise? I have to stop myself as a man? bored. knock on. Ah just gotta swim into the chaos and reach The Great Goddess. UOOOOoooo Selective Perfection 'tis sinful to like myself. Why can't I risk the feminine? The masculine? transform me, suffuse the male, The feminine within plays with the male, gearing it down, puzzling it out, stretching, selective perfection. Shame, shame, you've got a girl's name. **************** Creativity. Penetration through the ear -the Western Way. Penetration through the navel -the Eastern Way. pure virginal male; himself a union. Cobalt / radio active ated Sun Screen o eam As if one is three of life. While on the edge, if I step on a wedge: gone? HI Heels. selective perfection. Great Goddess Of All Creation, Penetrate me with your femininity, so that I may give birth to the child/children of our creativity. *************** TODAY,right now January 31, 1986 <...> And now you know.<...> In March,1982 I legally changed my name to Kathleen Lynn Noel-Ligeski; I like women so much, that I wanted a female name. I am not gay. I have never been on a date.I thought that I could become a girl...I became too afraid to try any more.(That was four years ago). During the last year,I have been going to counseling and I have decided to again legally change my first name to Peter but keep Kathleen as a middle name.For four years I was Kathleen but looked like Pete! Hopefully, I will be able to balance the masculine and feminine elements of my personality? ************* I have always been alone. ************* ......from back when : 10-18-81 "Dearest:::::::, stranger, I don't know how to flirt! What's loneliness ? I don't know. Come back! Come Back! Where are they going? All the leaves are running away from me.... ...left me alone.... I'll remember them; Nope, Iwon't I never learn my lesson. Hi Ya ! My name is Peter (umm...also Kathleen....) Wanna be friends ? No ? No. How lucky I am to be friendless.... no one to bring to my apartment; no one to go to movies with; no one to go shopping with; no one to be watching the leaves play; no one to touch; no one to kiss; no one to shake hands with. No one to be with. Oh! It's begin ing to rain.... no one to name raindrops with....